Brooding moments

[Yonutsune]

After her little chat with Kayoko in dance class, the rest of Yonutsune's day flew by quickly. She was glad that her classes kept her busy, at leas today she was.

Of course, hers and Kayo-san's conversation made her start thinking...again. She hated thinking about these memories. Whenever one of her friends got into a relationship, she would always remember what happened while she lived in America. Her parents had been doing major training in Britain, and wanted her and Yukadai to finish their year of school in America, seeing as apparently Western education was praised.

She sighed. There was nothing to keep her occupied now that her homework was done, who knew what Yukadai was doing, and she was sure she'd finished yet another book and so she decided to head to the library to try and get this topic off her mind. However, as she sat down at a table and attempted to read the random book she'd picked out, she couldn't concentrate and realized she still had no idea what was going on after reading the first two pages.

'I guess now my only choice is to finally remember.' She thought, placing her fist on her cheek as she pouted.

[Yasuo]

Yasuo stared curiously at Mei. She had been reading but her eyes never truly looked like they were reading. More like just moving along with the words and focusing on something different.

Quietly, he moved towards his prey. His eyes glinted and he dodged between isles of bookshelves and past a few tables. Yasuo finally arrived at his target. With hand raised, he grinned evilly and surpressed a cackle.

Gently, he placed his hand on her shoulder and spoke up in a quiet voice. "Hey, you okay?"

[Yonutsune]

Yonutsune nearly jumped out of her skin! She thought she might just have a heart attack from the schock of when she heard a familiar voice speak, and a feeling on her shoulder. She placed her hand over her heart and turned to see a grinning Yasuo. She let out a deep breath and let her hand fall on her lap once again.

"Geez, Yasuo, give me a heart attack." She whispered. "Yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

[Yasuo]

"Sorry," Yasuo muttered. He moved around the table and sat down in a chair opposite of Mei. Sighing with a sense of boredom, Yasuo looked around the library. It seemed to have changed slightly..

"Well, you seem to be pretty focused on something," Yasuo finally answered Mei after a minute of silence as he gazed around the place, trying to figure out had changed about it.
"And from the way you were acting, it doesn't seem to be a good subject. Let those things fester and rot inside you and you'll get bad results," Yasuo sighed, finally returning to look at Mei.

"I mean, just look at me," he cracked a half-hearted grin and chuckled lightly.

[Yonutsune]

As much as it seemed Yasuo was trying to cheer her up or something, it wasn't really working. "Well, you aren't all that bad so..." She said, putting on a fake smile momentarily before frowning again. "There's nothing to talk about anyway." She said. Yes, she was a stubborn little teen, but who wasn't?

'I don't even think I remember the last time I talked about Makoto to anyone, or if I ever did.' She thought, looking away from Yasuo temporarily to gaze at the book shelves.

[Yasuo]

Yasuo let a broad, wicked grin form on his face. "Ah, nothing to talk about? Yeah, sure, and you're just looking at the bookshelf so you can pick another book at random and stare at the words for awhile before you close it again, right?" Yasuo asked with sarcasm dripping from his words. He crossed his arms defiantely and sighed.

"Look at us, Mei. We both suffer from something. Guilt, depression, something. There's something inside us that won't let go of our hearts and minds and its going to pull us into the darkness and never let go." Yasuo leaned closer to Mei, his eyes empty and his voice dull.

"You think I like looking at you and seeing it? Mei, despite the way I act or talk to you or anyone else, you're my friend. I was lucky enough to have Kayoko help me with my problem. I was lucky enough to have Tomomi help with my problem. Sure, they don't know everything and I'm not asking you to tell me everything either. But if you keep whatever the hell it is down there you're going to find yourself alone, not because you choose to be," Yasuo laughed and shook his head, "Oh no, you'll be alone because you were too scared. Too stubborn."

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, "Too stupid to let someone else care for you."
"I'm sorry that came out so harsh," he spoke in a voice with more life to it now, "but it was this way that got me to think. Maybe it'll work with you too. Maybe not?" Yasuo shrugged. "But at least you'll know that there are people who care out there, Mei."

He let all the chair's legs hit the ground with a slight thud. "Now, are you going to allow yourself to relieve your load, or are you going to just make the anchor heavier? Your choice."

[Yonutsune]

Yonutsune had listened to everything, and though she usually ignored comments such as those. It seemed everyone just said words like those because they didn't like dealing with people like Yasuo and Mei. A little out of place, not always smiling, a little misunderstood. They didn't actually care, she knew it. But what Yasuo said, and the way he said it just hit too close to home for Yonutsune.

She continued to stare at the same bookshelf as a single tear rolled down her cheek, then another and another, slowly and softly. "Her name was Makoto." Yonutsune began. She had to get this out of her system. It had been too long since she'd even spoken the girls name for Yonutsune to stand it. "Makoto Matsuri. I...I loved her...I loved her so much." Yonutsune said, crying just a little harder now, but barely as she raised her hand and covered her nose and mouth, a weird habit she had when she cried. "I once traveled to America with my family and caretakers. We rented a house for a while before my parents went to Britain to train some of our horses. Yukadai, her little brother, Tsugusi, and I stayed in America to finish a year of school before heading to Britain to live for a little while. During my stay in America I lived in California and spent my first year of middle school there. I was only twelve at the time..." Yonutsune somewhat murmured the last part. Maybe she hadn't realized how young she'd really been. How very foolish she had been. Her tears were still flowing a little as she thought of how to completely say this. She didn't really know if Yasuo had a probably with same-gender relationships so she was a little nervous, but decided not to think of it too much. "There, I met Makoto. She was a Japanese-American transfer, a year older than myself at the time. I met her some time in the beginning of the school year. We didn't acknoweldge each other much at the beginning, but when I realized my feelings were growing for her I...I spent more time with her. Asked her over to my house, to the cinema, wherever I could be with her was fine until I fell for her completely. Eventually, I knew I had to tell her. I used to be really happy-go-lucky, y'know? I always let people know my thoughts and feelings. Seems a little strange compared to me now, right?" She thought, chuckling a bit to herself before she continued. "We ended up staying in America another year, seeing as my parents were traveling with races again and couldn't bring us with them this time. So, I told her. At first, she either thought I was joking or disliked me because of it, I'm not sure. But whatever it was, eventually it passed and we became a couple I guess you could say. Her father, however, didn't know about us. I'd met him, of course, but he didn't know his daughter was interested in girls so she didn't want to tell him yet. He was on the religious lines but also drank quite a bit so you never really knew what he would do or say or anything. I think it made both of us nervous, so mostly me spent time at my house or somewhere else. Just away from her dad. Her mother had died during her birth so she only lived with him. Anyway, after my first summer there had passed, I'd finally turned thirteen and she was fourteen. The school year would once again begin and our relationship had only grown more. But, I hadn't told my parents, afraid of how they would react. Her dad still thought we were just friends. But, I didn't want to hide it anymore. I'm sure it'd been around school, seeing as we didn't hide it from our peers, but I wanted her dad to know and my parents to know. I didn't want it to be a secret. So, she promised me she'd tell her dad, and I promised I'd tell my parents...but she backed out, afraid of course." Yonutsune paused, trying to stop the tears still falling down her face. The next part would be the hardest to say. "So, I made another promise. I told her we'd run away, we said we'd go away some day where it was legal for us to get married, but before then we would stay at one of my distant aunts that I'd visited while in America. She hated the fact that my parents were always gone and I knew she wouldn't mind taking us in. We'd gotten train tickets, our plan was perfect but..." She stopped again, letting her bangs fall in in her eyes as she pushed the tears away. "Somehow, someone told her dad about us. A-about our relationship. She went home one day after school and he...he..."

'd**n tears...' She thought, annoyed that they were coming harder than ever now.

"He beat her...so hard...he beat her to death." She said, trying not to yell as her voice raised. "She was sent to the hospital but...s-she d-died a few hours later. I wasn't even at her side...I wasn't even near her when she stopped breathing!" Yonutsune now looked at Yasuo, tears streaming from her eyes as she shook slightly. "We moved from America soon after. My parents didn't care that I was interested in girls instead of boys, as long as I didn't make a public scene about it. And I never saw that place again. Not the school...not that man...no one and nothing and I completely forgot about Makoto. Now, you wouldn't even recognize me if you'd known me then."

She finally stopped, breathing heavily as she finally gained control and pushed back the tears. Now that that was off her chest, what would Yasuo say?

[Yasuo]

Yasuo sighed as he tried to think of something to say. He wasn't too familiar with same-sex relationships but that wouldn't stop him from trying to help.

"Mei," he sighed again, rubbing his forehead with his palm as he thought, "She's dead. I've had a friend who I felt very close to before he was taken away by death, so don't think you're alone in that feeling. Why, there's lots of people here who've gone through the same thing as you!"

Yasuo stood from his chair and made his way back to Mei's side. There, he grasped her shoulder and placed his head next to hers. "You just have to realize: she's dead. How you deal with that is up to you. Some people forget; some people cry over their death until they meet with fate; some people keep that memory but hide it with a smile; and some people know that death is just part of life. The ying and yang to the good stuff."

"But you keeping all that locked inside is not going to bring her back from the grave. If there's a right thing to do," Yasuo said as he pulled his head back and began pacing behind Mei's chair. "If it hasn't already been done, call the police on the father. Then, if it eases you in anyway, see if you can visit her grave. Write a letter to her and send it. See what happens."
Yasuo shrugged.

"Like I said, its up to you how you get over it...or if you get over it."

[Yonutsune]

Yonutsune stared forward, sometime she would shift her eyes down to stare at the small trinkets draped on her neck. One of the necklaces was from her mother. A rose quartz crystal. It was supposed to be used for grief, but so far all Yonutsune had done was forgot about all the incidents of her past. Another was half a heart from Makoto. The other half was draped around her neck in her grave.

But, it had all ready been done. Her so-called father was still in jail, and there was no way she could get all the way to America. Not while her parents were alive anyway.

"It doesn't really matter though." She murmured, tone cold and soft. "Even if you see my darkest side, or my weakest side, or even my happiest side, nothing around us changes. People change, and that's it. Everything that's important is in the past, that's why the past is all ready gone." Her tone was still cold, but it was touched with a dead calm that would probably scare the casual Yonutsune. "I have a place to sleep at night, a roof over my head, food to eat, and friends. So I don't want to complain, which is what I'm doing now." She stopped again. Right now, she was just whining also. "

She suddenly heaved a sigh and stood, looking up at the ceiling. "Gomen nasai, I've caused you much trouble. I'll see you around, okay?" She said, her voice monotone, lifeless, dull. But, she continued to walk to the exit of the library anyway.

'So...' She began to think, casually resting her arms by her sides. 'The two rails that were once so close don't always end together.'

[Yasuo]

Yasuo shook his head as he watched Mei leave.
"Mountains crumble, seas grow larger and the sharpest rocks are eroded and made smooth. Time changes. Its too bad your head is stuck in the past and doesn't realize what's going on right now."

Yasuo sighed and turned away, calling over his shoulder to Mei before he vanished behind various bookshelves.
"Make sure you look forward as well, or you're going to be just another train wreck!"